I spent so much time in business so so scared

I spent so much time in business so so scared.

I’m going to share some things today I don’t think I’ve shared ever, certainly not in this way.

And we are going to talk about fear today, really pick it up and LOOK at it. I know. Fun!

Fear will have you thinking you can’t get it right.

You’ll never do it right.

And if you’re not careful, you’ll miss what God has for you, not live your purpose, get it all WRONG, and be perpetually waiting to finally BE.

Fear,

is sent straight from the pit of you-know-where to kill, rob, destroy you.

And for women like us OH it can be big. So big.

A desire to do and be our best is such an easy entry-point for that spirit of fear to tell us you’re STILL NOT THERE.

Honestly?

I have spent SO much time living and creating and even bringing to life my dream life from a place of fear.

Sometimes I have been aware of this, and taken action to step out of it, see past it, act ‘from’ a place of faith, and (actually effective!) cast it off and down in Jesus Name.

Other times it’s been more secretive and taken me weeks, even months, or perhaps in some ways years, to realise that that’s what I was doing.

All I ever wanted really, since I was a little girl, was to know I was living my destiny. To know I was on PURPOSE. I believed so strongly since such a young age that I WAS born for a purpose, and it’s the dominant call which has always been on my life, to call others forward in purpose, that the idea of not doing so?

TERRIFYING.

It’s why I’ve always been so driven, so determined, relentless, and even reckless at times.

I used to say ‘we do what it takes, no matter what it takes, until it takes, and then we keep going!’

I still believe that actually … but discernment is key, and the doing what it takes bit HAS to be surrendered to and in and from God, that’s for sure!

Being the girl who would do what it takes no matter what to be successful for me looked like: extreme perfectionism and a rule that I HAD to be the best at everything I did, or else it was pointless. I was pointless.

So, I did that.

Since I was very young.

Which resulted in academic excellence (pretty God-given if I’m honest!), entrepreneurship excellence (my first membership I ran I was 8 years old, but already 5 years into business, and by 11 I was clocking a G a week as an Avon lady), competitive excellence (multi national winner of the reading competition lolol), not really sporting excellence (this wasn’t considered that important in my family), and DEFINITELY not Christian excellence, especially as I got older, because I found out bit by bit that apparently?

I wasn’t actually capable of being perfect.

So, I quit. Faded out more like. And honestly believed in my heart of hearts for about 20 years that if I couldn’t be perfect at getting the ‘God’ thing then I wasn’t allowed in.

Yeah … I didn’t understand RELATIONSHIP with God, or grace, at all! (I was taught it. But somehow I just heard – be perfect or you have failed).

As an adult, starting in online business long before most people ever heard of it, I made tens of millions of dollars with my coaching business. This was … of course. I was 11 when I decided I was obviously going to make and impact millions. It was never a decision, actually. It was what I knew to be true.

So even though there was an element of OH MY GOSH during all those years, it was also unexpected.

And,

it was an incredible pathway to doing what I was born to do. Inspire. Empower. Motivate. Educate. And kick the butt of the 1% within the 1% to finally follow THEIR purpose and be who they were born to be!

I loved it.

I DO love it. Especially the softer yet still spiky and at times brutally blunt unapologetic now finally fully in GOD version.

And yet.
If I am honest.
Through all of those years.
In some kind of way.
I was still driven by fear.

I was never THERE yet.

I figured out at some point, as everyone does, that more money wasn’t going to solve the problem. More properties, cars, travel, I mean I had a Rolex with diamonds and METEORITE in it and it still didn’t hit the spot!

And bit by bit I just got a bit … glum. I started to feel like ‘what was the point?’. I could never get to ENOUGH, inside of me. I could never be perfect. And I didn’t even know what perfect WAS anymore either, since I’d attained everything I thought it was!

Listen, it’s not like I didn’t GET whatever obvious response there is to all of this about alignment, inner state, identity, blah blah blah. I lived and breathed that and TAUGHT it, better than anyone! But something.still.was.missing.

YEAH it was God.

But also,

it was what I needed to then walk FORWARD in in God.

Finding true relationship with God and realising what GRACE Is, and that God never asked you to GET to perfect, He takes you there and no it does not look like human perfection oh and yep you get to be fully you, in fact that’s the idea, was amazing.

Yet the FEAR,
hung on.

And now I worried:

Was I doing it right for God?

Enough?

Was I hearing from Him right?

Did He want me to lay it all down? Pick it all up?! Do a quarter turn to the right and then a double bicep pose? Run 10x around the block at a winning speed? Write a book in 3 hours? Be willing to lose EVERYTHING and never make money or do what I think to be big work in the world again? The answer was yes yes yes!

But a lot of the time, it wasn’t God asking the question!

It was fear saying: you’re still not there. And you probably never will be. So whatever you’re doing in this moment, you’re likely wrong, you should go slower / faster / less / more / augh!

Here is what is cool:

In God you ARE there already.
You are made whole ALREADY.
His Spirit is leading you ALREADY.

Meaning that even through all of this …

He was leading me. Rearranging me. Softening and calming me. And giving me eyes to see what was true.

The thing with God is that when you look to Him He ANSWERS. He responds. He leads. And He clears.

Which means that even if you’re in mad crazy ‘who even am I and what on earth do I do?’ turmoil …

He’s already sorting it out.

In fact He saw it coming!

Eventually, one day, as is often the case, all of the hemming and hawing and head in hands wondering simmered down and a single thought from my spirit, by God’s Spirit, bubbled up –

“There’s a spirit of fear in your heart. You have faith in me and in your life being on track in your head, but it’s not dropped to your heart. And it’s causing this ongoing wrestle with who you need to be”.

I don’t know if that lands for you like it did for me, but it’s like I finally GOT something I had in fact said and also LED on many many times before:

I get to be fully me, but oh oh oh here’s the catch – I ALREADY AM.

It’s not going to be perfect, duh.

But also it’s not about getting to any kind of ‘done’ that we think would reflect certainty, because the certainty and done bit is the LITERAL definition of faith.

“Now faith is the evidence of things not yet seen. The substance of things not known”. (Hebrews 11:1)

The thing I hadn’t seen yet, which I needed to take as my evidence? That I’m already who God made me to be.

And it actually gets to be that simple.

Just one thing though, because we are HUMAN over here –

Like any revelation of truth,
it helps to put it on daily.

Let me know what you think x

And don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat

PS.

My love! Guess what! Original Design, all new and LIVE for the next 2 weeks immersed together (starting Monday!) is here!

https://katrinaruthministries.com/originaldesign

A big part of getting to original design? Is realising you GET to take that deep breath and be.fully.you and it gets to be an exhale NOW.

If you know know KNOW God’s plan for you is huge, wild, incredible, and also for NOW, but you’ve no idea on earth how you’re meant to get there or what your part but you SUSPECT there is some letting go and trusting needed in order to see clear, this is for you!

We will be:

• Identifying and designing YOUR perfect daily flow God-led

• Tapping in to HIS Spirit on how this plays out across the span of your week (i.e. how to ensure all the things are done without obsessing about and trying to live from a place of getting all the things done!)

• Hearing from God on where HE would have you spend time or no

• Cleaning up with certainty all distraction in your task list, ideas, or otherwise

• Writing real by the Spirit of the Lord your current online identity plan. (Think: no more pulling out a part of you or trying to figure out which bit of you to best wrap up and share with the internet so that people get and buy from you or so that you’re doing it right, and instead simply … seeing for SURE how God would have you be in your online space)

• Learning how to wait on God for your right and definite sales offers, creative offers of all kinds, and even your free content and social media posts … such that you always hear from Him and are never left hanging!

• Walking into DESTINY with each move you make and each breath you take, figuring it out season is DONE and you GET to have assurance you are on track

• *PLUS we will be addressing and going ALL the way deep on some gnarly real stuff like😘

• What to do when money is not money-ing and you just want / need / don’t know how not to cave and hustle up your own outcomes

• What it really looks like in your HABITS to wait on God and reactivate HIS clear calm confident mind and also FAITH TO SEE HIS WORD MANIFEST IN YOUR LIFE

• Knowing EXACTLY what to actually do or not do when you’re overwhelmed, derailed, freaking out for the above or other reasons, or all of a sudden wondering if you’re even born for it at all

In just 2 weeks of Holy Spirit fire and activation into simple RIGHT action, you are going to be CERTAIN you are doing what you’re meant to be doing, RESTING in His peace and grace in doing it, and EXCITED beyond measure that you can finally be confident you’re where you’re meant to be and letting HIM be the one who CAUSES it to be!

Let’s walk out heaven’s strategy and HABITS for your life right now, so that you can simply and systematically by the power of the Holy Spirit see what He has put in you begin to take place and then multiply, supernaturally, in Him!

Sign up + all the deets here: https://katrinaruthministries.com/originaldesign

Pre work is going out today!

I can’t wait to see you inside x