Stop trying to figure out who it’s time to be.

I’ve realised I need to stop trying to figure out who it’s time to be.

If you’re in a transition season of your business or life like I am, and perhaps particularly if that transition means letting yesterday’s success BE yesterday’s, and not making your future have to in some way represent that, then chances are?

You do too.

It’s funny how we can teach a thing, preach a thing, instantly see to the core of the thing if it’s somebody ELSE’S thing, and even nod our heads knowingly at what we know we should be listening to for ourselves, but then just keep.on.ignoring the obvious because, well, maybe we should in fact know everything?

What it comes down to, is humans seek certainty.

Us high performers? I reckon we’re simultaneously desperate for a footing which will validate and affirm us, give us something tangible to define our identity with, yet at the same time we are infuriated by the predictable, long for variety, and INSIST on keeping things going and flowing wherever the flow actually happens to be right now, even if it’s in direct contradiction to what we said or did the day before!

The things we seem to ‘need’ to define though?

1) Who am I, and what do I actually stand for?

2) Why do I actually do what I do; why am I even here? (I mean it relevant to business, messaging, ministry, your calling, rather than existentially, although these things can definitely collide!)

Me? If I don’t KNOW the thing is purposeful, I’m not gonna do it.

I have to be anchored to SOME kind of a ‘why’.

I don’t have to like the why. But I do have to believe in it. It has to make sense.

I see this in my son a lot as well. He is an extreme high performer, driven by nature, with all the ups and downs that come with that, and when he decides something is for him, he can’t be moved from it.

But put him in front of something he doesn’t see the purpose in and there’s nothing you can do to motivate him. No carrot, no stick, no money, no acclaim, no way. He just doesn’t have it in him.

Lately in my business, and my ministry through my business, which means also every part of my online messaging, I haven’t been able to see the deep sense in it.

The truth is I’ve been in some version of that for ages. It’s been a layer by layer kind of a thing, and one of the most confusing periods of my life. But also? One of the best, most wonderful, and very literally, most glorious.

I’m talking the glory of God, and what He is manifesting and revealing in me and who He is shaping me to be.

The reality is that the stripping off, the unbecoming, and, if we’re gonna be brutally honest about it, the complete and utter uncertainty of every single thing you thought you knew for sure about who you are or how to do business or money is necessary and also (for me at least) WANTED.

I bet, if you’re honest with yourself about it, you wouldn’t have it any other way either.

That does not mean it’s fun though! Even though in the bits where you’re taken away in spirit and truth with God it is beyond any idea of what we ever thought fun was! Augh, the beautiful dichotomy of it all.

Look, your flesh has to die.

That’s the long and short of it.

If you also had an identity absolutely locked and loaded in and from your own self and also wildly successful in the worlds’ standards, that death is gon’ take a minute.

Seems to me my flesh keeps trying to pop back up from the grave every time I thought it actually finally lay down for good!

Which is ALSO the point, because … take up your cross daily. Die to self daily. Submit and surrender daily. Seek the consuming fire of the Lord? DAILY.

And now here is the truth about lacking my connection to purpose, struggling to see any real sense in showing up at all, flat out not wanting to, and truly questioning whether again I ever even should –

The truth is the disconnect and discontent is, by literal definition, in that very flesh I’ve so actively wanted to be done with.

The truth is the trying to figure it out bit? Also in the flesh, because God is never the author of confusion.

The truth is that each and every time I feel or think that:

• I don’t even know how to be anymore.
• I don’t know if I am MEANT to be (in the online space) anymore.
• Maybe I am just done with the whole being a voice in THIS world thang.
• I’m just so over it all.
• I hate > insert platform name < and everything it stands for (ahem, everything I think I need to stand for on there).
• People expect me to show up in some kind of way, which no longer seems to be who I am or want to be, and so therefore, stubbornly (fear), I’ll just not show up at all (side note I fully know the people I am here for do not expect JACK of me expect for me to be me, I just get tangled in what that means)
• Maybe God wants me to keep my focus on what He is doing with me external to the online world, because I KNOW I am certain about that and woah! It’s fire!
• Maybe I’ve just outgrown being ‘that girl’ online
• Maybe I actually just don’t WANT to do any of it anyway, and it’s not even about figuring out which way forward, so there!
• Or any kind, any kind at all, any kind of version of bleeeughhhhh I hate feeling like I’ve completely lost knowing how to play the game or where to start when literally I was one of the founders of the female coaching world, ‘unstoppable’, and made tens of millions of dollars through my courses and coaching yet apparently can’t seem to do anything consistently anymore and it’s just kind of SQUIRMY making …

I’m not letting God lead.

I’m in the flesh by definition. Worrying about how to be, namely worrying about how to lock down IDENTITY.

Identity, babe, (she says to herself again), is in God and that is the END.

It’s not Him + > insert a foundation you can understand through your own reason and that gives you some sort of comfort or dependability. <

Lemme tell you –

We’d all make our lives a lot easier if we just stopped wondering what God wants us to do or be, and went purely with what IS.

But there is a catch to that, and the catch is you can only see what truly IS if you’re in the spirit, by HIS Spirit, and you wait,

again,

for as many again’s as it takes,

til the YOU bit drops away. And once again, in laying down your life?

You find it.

It’s truly that simple.

Now please God, let me let it be that simple, and in your Name Jesus,

I declare that it is.

Kat