PICK YOUR PERSONALITY BACK UP

Here is the uncomfortable, infuriating, soul-wrenching, undeniably WONDERFUL and thrilling reality:

It’s time to pick your personality back up.

I know it might be UGH confronting at first.

I know some BIG part of you just wants to dig your heels in real hard to the gritty grimy NOT for now anymore place you’re stuck in, and refuse to move forward.

I know it might not even feel like it fits anymore!

But none of that overrides the fact that simply,

it’s time.

It’s time to come out of hiding.

It’s time to quit ALMOST convincing yourself and everyone around you that maybe you’re built for the backstage life after all.

It’s time to drop whatever persona that is which you picked up in the wilderness and DEEP surrender season, thinking for a minute that THAT you is surely who God wants you to be, yet long since realising that hmm … not quite, and hmm … that’s YOUR idea of proper, or safe, or holy, or right, and hmm … He actually got the design correct in the first place when He made you, and HMMMMM … who do you think made you the very special and unmatchable version of weird, wild, fierce, unapologetic, and UNQUESTIONABLY born to carry and be the fire anyway?!

Now here is what else:

At a certain point,
at a certain time,
on a certain day which we call today,
there really just is no more ifs and buts and maybes.

There’s nothing else to ask.
There’s nothing else to say.
There IS no ‘God’s timing’ holdup.
And God is never holding up right timing anyway 😉

I’m speaking to who I’m speaking to, and if I’m speaking to you then girl, guy, sister, brother, please know I GET it.

I was so convinced God wanted a different version of me I even opted myself out of my preferred COLOUR palette in how I dress or pretty-make my brand things online!

Which wasn’t just a case of rejecting my right desires, which obviously come from HIM, but also a case of rejecting what suits the literal make-up of who I am, aka my skin tone and what suits me to wear!

Maybe that sounds silly, but for me the clothing and colour thing underpinned the whole entire thing I walked through, of questioning every.single.bit of who God made me to be because oh YEAH I did a counterfeit thing before I let Him get true hold of me, and I did that counterfeit thing ALL IN.

I was scared to be on stage again.
Scared to be funny again.
Scared to in ANY way appear as though I liked ANY part of my appearance or dress or branding.
Scared to be fiery.
Scared to be too much.
Scared to be unapologetic, and stand firm on what I stand for.
Scared also to NOT be firm enough on the things of God, and what I thought I should be saying, cough demonic spirit of religion, cough.
Scared that if I was anything other than pastels and beige, solemn, careful, PROPER, it must be wrong. God wouldn’t be pleased. And I’d miss my destiny.

Most of all, I was scared of ANYTHING resembling worldly success, conveniently forgetting albeit simultaneously confused with and wrestling with the fact that LITERALLY in the first chapter of the Bible and plenty times afterwards God instructs us to multiply and be fruitful.

I understood the concept of other people being wildly successful, financially and otherwise, also bold, loud, unapologetic, and fierce in their branding as well as personal vibe in God, it wasn’t that I finitely thought of these things as wrong at ALL, I just somehow adopted the idea that they were surely wrong for ME.

The devil is a GREAT liar, and for those of us who so deeply want to pursue and live the life we were designed for, we are easy prey for the lie that he doesn’t exist in the place where our IDENTITY is.

Oh sure, I never doubted the devil’s existence all in all, but it sure took me a minute to clock that every.single.thought.idea.imagination.and plan. which took me off path of simply being me … was him.

Tearing me down piece by piece and apart limb by limb as he wrung out every last bit of my soul telling me on repeat that I’M GOING TO SCREW IT UP AND NOT BE ME RIGHT.

What a great jig! Especially for a generational perfectionist and high performer whose biggest fear was literally getting her life wrong, missing her destiny, not being who she was born to be!

Oh Lord! Thank you that by the power of your shed blood Jesus I can cast that fear on to you, know that you TAKE it, and refuse and reject its return entirely! Thank you Holy Spirit that you give me discernment and direction when it tries to sneak attack its way back in!

The enemy is COVERT with us high performers.

I learned this recently from my mentor, when he spoke into this specific to me.

“The devil won’t come at you OVERTLY Kat, because he knows you’ll just railroad him in the Name of Jesus.”

“Yessir!” I barely let him finish his sentence, I was so enthusiastic and CONFIDENT in this reality.

“That’s why he has to be COVERT with you. He’s coming in the back door. GATE-keeping your return because he knows how powerful your work is going to be when it blows back up but this time in God”.

Phewwwww this hit me hard.

I bet someone right now who happened on my writing is reading this thinking ‘geee, got enough tickets on yourself girl?’

But those who I’m writing it for … I know you just got SUCKER-punched and it hurt.so.good, didn’t it?

Because one thing about us?

Oh we don’t mind getting hit the RIGHT way. Bring it on baby, we WANT to know the thing. Gets us fired up. Let’s go!

Did you hear me?

LET’S GO, am I right?!

You and me, we are the ones.

The voice and the vessel.

The fire and the flow.

The rushing river of the Lord in and through and OUTTA us.

Because we get to be so cool?

Well, erm, it IS freaking cool to be who God made you to be and I HOPE you enjoy it, in the spiky and messy bits AND the high-flying bits, because it’s Him who sets you apart, lifts you up, mounts you on eagles wings, gives you hind feet like a deer, and not only gives you that promised land, but brings you into it surrounded by His favour like a shield, then blesses you as you go!

I hope you LOVE it there. Here. NOW.

Man oh man has it been SO difficult for me to get to that for myself.

In fact it is impossible, in my flesh, which both wants to exalt itself and also destroy itself.

But Jesus.

But Jesus.

But Jesus.

NOW.

Turn to Him, won’t you?

And simply ask,

“Lord who do YOU say I am?”

Write a whole sheet of His response, because I guarantee you He has plenty to say.

Then once you’ve written that whole sheet keep going, because SO TOO DO you.

And the world is waiting love.

I know it’s waiting.

And I know it’s for me too.

So let’s not forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat