IT’S OKAY TO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE

When you forget who you are and you no longer know how to be, there is a peculiar kind of state which descends which, for a lifelong high performer, is absolutely,

mind-bindingly,

seemingly disastrously,

INFURIATING.

Infuriating to a point of ‘this should be illegal’.

Infuriating to a point of ‘how on earth did this HAPPEN?’

Infuriating to a point of ‘who on earth authorised this and get them in front of me STAT, because this chick? OBVIOUSLY knows who she is and how to be!’

And it’s not even the fact that, ermmmm, clearly in this moment you do not entirely know who you are or how to be (even though of course you do, which we’ll get to).

OR the fact that the person you’re hand on hips ready to have some seriously stern words with is YOU.

OR even the inevitable fallout or at least wild disruption to the regularly scheduled performance of you being you, and all that THAT entails in business and life and oh yeah, what’s that other thing we think about sometimes?? Yeah. THAT.

What it really is?

The most infuriating thing of all?

The fact that it was once so easy, so seamless, so automated, and with a hop and a skip and the springiest of springs in your step you just woke up every day to BE ….

YOU.

The one who showed up like that.

The one who made money like that.

The one who poured out value like that.

The one who did it on repeat like that.

The one who, contrary to what people assumed, certainly DID question herself at times, but yet kept ON like that anyway, because she just …

Did the thing.

Day in and day out.

And so got the (ever beautifully growing flowing and evolving) results from that.

Day in and day out.

And she honestly honestly honestly could not relate to people who just … did not.

Who had no purpose-driven habits.

No internal ‘be that girl anyway’ routine.

No revelation of the fact that success or walking forward in right identity is SO not hard, it’s just a choice, and surely it’s harder to go to bed again knowing you DIDN’T, so why not just DO?

Who pedestaled every idea of what was inside of them as something they would hopefully ONE day get to, work out, become, or be?

And now she finds herself that very same person!

Torn in the middle between KNOWING it’s not.that.hard yet writhing in the frustration of it feeling genuinely.really.hard then once again ANOTHER day goes by in which she doesn’t just do the thing!,

Except it’s worse, because unlike many of ‘those’ people she actually HAS got the history, the evidence, the result of having been ‘her’ (although she sometimes wonders if she made it ALL up?!), and now?

INFURIATING.

Nauseating too, while we’re at it, because who else knows that there is nothing more tiresome than your OWN repeat excuses, no matter how valid they might truly in some ways be!

So now here is the deal.

The for THIS day wake up call.

And the walking back front and centre of the stage you’re meant to be on, namely the one where you just be you and let the glory God has given you to carry shine through.

1) It’s okay to not know who you are anymore

It’s okay to simultaneously know deep down for SURE who you are, yet not be able to quite grasp it, if at all.

2) It’s okay to admit – critical even to admit – that the old ways don’t work anymore

The faster you let go of everything you rested on it being, and perhaps thought it would always be, the better.

Just SURRENDER, because whatever is for you in this season will come back. With purity. For now.

So let go of the idea of what your habits should be. Your routines. What you’re known for. How you show up. How you see yourself. How others do. What it all results in. Everything.

3) Get over FASTER (‘cause you’re gonna have to in the end anyway) the bizarre and idiotic idea you somewhere picked up that success, aligned success, destiny, means you should always and only be going to the next measurable level, or that you have to maintain some kind of evidence to be her.

You ARE going to the next level.

You wanna do that for real for real, destiny version?

There HAS to be wilderness periods. Character building periods in which the measurable don’t match YOUR idea of what your worth would look like. And how on earth do you think you’re gonna get to the true next flourishing thing if you insist on grasping at the old thing?

I know.

#DUH.

Speaking of – 

4) Might be helpful to remind yourself you were done with being her anyway.

Yes that was (and is) scary in many ways.

And it does not mean there wasn’t (and isn’t!) good, even great, and yes also DESTINY, in being her.

And?

Are you still wearing the same exact ‘fit that was perfect for you on this day 20 years ago? Or did you evolve?

It’s weird how we fight so furiously to hold on to and prove we can still be something that we long knew we outgrew.

Don’t worry. If you’d didn’t catch the beat of this post. I did that too. All of it!

5) Now walk it forward. And let’s let it be that simple.

Thing is, there’s no dramatic ‘what now’ moment that you need to get to.

The truth is as it’s always been.

You know who you are.

It’s planted in, has always been, in your innermost depths.

Your spirit has truth inborn into it!

YES there is a required active ingredient to walk out the REAL thang Jesus made you to be as opposed to the counterfeit (hi Holy Spirit!).

But in the place where you know …

Right now …

In this moment …

Try it …

Go meet with God in THIS moment …

You know.

So in the end?

You may have let everything fall to the ground.

You may feel like you’ve been spinning your wheels for YEARS.

Maybe it’s even been your whole lifetime!

And maybe there’s so much you thought you’d depend on and be sure of being which is now just either crumbled or just … no. And that is absolutely disorientating. 

But isn’t all of this a GOOD thing?

Isn’t this what you longed for?

Isn’t it what it was oh so TIME for?

So in the END in the end?

It’s still the right here that matters.

This moment.

In THIS moment right here you can put aside frustration. Embarrassment, if it’s there. Irritation at how floppy and floopy it feels to be a high performing person who is now repeatedly just not in STRUCTURE. Put aside the awkward annoying bit where you’ve GOT no flow or rhythm because you gotta drop back into that and it takes a minute.

And then go forth and get it.

Breathe by breath.

Step by step.

The same way it’s always BEEN!

A simple

beautiful

INFURIATING

wonderful

matter of giving each moment for what it was given to you for.

So ask God with me now.

Take a moment with me now.

Let it all go and drop in NOW.

Even though there’s so much you wish already felt solid and certain and done, where is your foundation really? What is the rock you’re standing on and building on and from really?

And what does He say right now about what this moment is for really?

Let it be as simple as that.

And then go do that.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Until you wake up one day and realise there.she.IS.

Right in the place where you always knew she’d be.

Oh and YEAH the world is waiting and needs that and YOU are a piece of the beautiful tapestry God is weaving right now.

So maybe get over yourself even faster still 😉

Now don’t forget

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat

PS

Something new is coming.

It has been brewing only since early 2023!

In fact I have written it partly to life and attempted to bring it to life several times since then.

Each time I have put it down again because it’s simply, not been time.

I was trying to make it so, cause it to be so, and absolutely could have done it as so because I do know how to just show up!

But I waited.

Not always patiently!

And kept waiting.

This one is my heartbeat, my essence, and what my work has always at its core been about, namely, IDENTITY.

Unlike my usual speedy and intense launch style I do not have a pre-launch timeline for you or a definite day or anything, because she’s still brewing and I’m letting her!

But I will say this – 

I always knew gorgeous.

As do YOU.

Meaning none of this is gonna be surprising. What it will be though?

FREAKING AMAZING.

And, as always, perfect perfect timing.

PPS

Let me know if this spoke to you today! 

There have been the biggest shifts maybe of the entire 2 decades I’ve been in the online world this past year or so. So many of my OG clients who are the ‘who’s who’s’ of the internet have come to me BTS on this. Many others who I didn’t even know before have shared similar in my DMs. Seems like every week I have at least one conversation with a person who ‘did the thing’ and now wonders what on earth they’re meant to be doing.

If you didn’t read the whole blog allow me to remind you this is a GOOD THING!

So let’s get EXCITED together.

For all there is to come.

And yeah. Let me know if this is you. I’d love to hear!