I think I need to get back to being of massive service.
I think I need to get really really low, from a place of knowing God has called me to places really really high, and anointed me with a voice to breathe His fire to nations, to see His Kingdom come across millions, and that if I actually believe and know that then I don’t at ALL need to be the one trying to make it happen or prove it.
I think I need to exhale out every fear, frustration, and ‘hustle to prove or be somebody NOW’ mindset which has had me turning in circles in this season of walking into the NEW thing God’s planted me in, and just get really really intentional about showing up for the NOW.
Showing up for the ONE.
Showing up FROM a place of total trust in God and surrender to the fact that HE will cause the unfolding of the vision He’s given me, and so there IS no ‘let me show you, let me be her now, let me catch up, let me make sure I’m keeping up, let me make up for what I feel I’ve lost in ground these past few years’.
Ya know?
It’s also a real pride thing. Which I’d love to say I was done with. Which I certainly know I’ve been delivered from. Yet which I know I GET to keep walking out the deliverance from! Daily we get to walk out of the desires of the self to prove itself or be its own God!
The pride thing for me is the squirmy-making, uncomfortable, yet I’ll also say fascinating to observe and learn from in myself reality of having been ‘her’, and now very aware I’m just … not.
I thank God on repeat I’m not the her I once was, and which so many online – maybe you, or maybe you’re more new to me – have known me as!
So it’s not about wanting to go back … Lord no.
But it IS just about that human reality within me of wanting to show I’ve got it together, am still the successful one or leader, am on fire with brilliance and flow, so there!
Ahhhh, I love it. The truth is I love this glorious, messy, confronting, journey.
I love to see and pull apart what I’m doing, all the while one part of me screams in discomfort and just wants to be established again PUBLICLY, and another part of me is crying tears of gratitude that I witness myself becoming daily more established PRIVATELY in an identity made up of God in me!
I want it all apparently, so some things never change 😉
I also want to be one person who I’ve pretty much always been, which is the one who transparently lays it all down no matter how it makes her look! This seems like a contradiction, as I DO want to be seen as being ‘there’ (and I also do want to BE there; the places God gives me vision to bring to life), yet I don’t mind at all frankly telling you that sometimes I don’t have a single isolated clue of where I am OR where I’m meant to be!
Here is what i think I’ve been doing though. Which maybe can be of some service to you for me to share, as well as to me to write out.
I think I’ve been unwittingly throwing out frantic tethers to just ‘be her now’.
One of my favourite teachings of my own IS to just be her now! Be the leader now! Plant the stake in the vision you see and operate FROM that place.
However,
being her now, by definition, I’m reminding myself, means you are grounded IN that being.
There’s a line of discernment there which I believe I get to exhale back into around the fact that she – the version of me who knows she IS God made her to be and who she sees – doesn’t need to right away! All at once! Build the entire house! Decorate it! Put fabulous neon pink cushions everywhere! (Okay well OBVIOUSLY we can do THAT bit now!). And then throw a party to the entire world to show she’s DOING it!
What she does do is,
she does today’s work today.
She is diligent with THIS moment.
She gives each breath with intention for what God put it in her for.
Her life and also her day to day actions are FROM rest, FROM the exhale, FROM breathing, dancing, BEING, in sync with what God has given her voice for today.
Just… today.
She shows up from certainty, a grounded and calm and yes it’s for THIS moment certainty. Not a hype-driven certainty of ‘of courseeee girlllllll!’.
For me, how this looks right now, how I very much believe I need and get to walk it forward, is a hefty dose of SLOW DOWN SISTER.
Not to be a different type of person because you KNOW fierce is in my blood, bold is just how it comes out, TOO MUCH is how God made me.
But more so from a place of hey hey!
There’s no need to be scared you LOST it; you can’t LOSE being you.
And there’s no need to scramble all at once today to get back to some place you were before, which you yourself acknowledge was a place of counterfeit in so many ways!
About 4 years ago, I came to a total standstill in my training as an athlete, because 20+ years of heroics caught up with me in the form of 3 pretty significant lower back disc bulges, and an almost total inability to even squat my own body weight, get up off an osteo or massage table once I’d lain down, or even put on my pants.
I’d actually been ignoring – pushing through – this stuff for years. I didn’t know about the disc bulges, but I knew something was wildly off. The ‘can’t put pants on without painstakingly doing it on the floor and it taking minutes at a time’ thing sort of gave it away.
Yet, I would still train. I would warm up carefully then MAKE myself do the things. I would high perform my way into keeping on going. And I would tell myself eventually I’ll get through it.
Quite some years passed like this, and suffice to say it kind of got to a point. It’s very tiring internally, I don’t have to tell some of you, being the high performer who is high performing themselves on repeat through brick walls; bloody and bruised.
By the grace of God, I had two referrals come into my life around the same time of each other. One for my personal trainer, and one for my osteopath. Both of whom I still work with. Both of whom have changed my life DRAMATICALLY. Both of whom are literal scientific programming and biomechanic and nervous system and hormonal system and just human system GENIUSES.
When I started working with my PT Justin I had no choice but to operate from total humility.
I knew INTERNALLY who I was as an athlete. And I also believed the best was DEFINITELY still ahead of me. But I could no longer deny I had to get seriously low in order to get there. Justin, unlike me, did not really know who I was internally at all, and tells the story to this day that he was CERTAIN I wouldn’t make it as a client. The mess I was in internally was so vast that it literally required 12-18 months of seriously tedious corrective work to even be able to move again without excruciating pain.
He didn’t think I would see it through.
He didn’t know me yet as a person who, albeit at times with massive at first delay, once she decides she’s gonna do something, just.keeps.going, and also, in that, accepts what it is NOW.
I went from being one of the highest performing athletes I knew for 2+ decades at the time, and having also coached professional athletes myself at a high level for years, to deadlifting not even a bar, being able to do zero explosive movement, having had to quit multiple of the modalities in sport which I loved, and, as my osteo said, having a pelvic system which was basically soldered in steel with zero rotation or hip movement.
FOR A WHILE.
Do you know what I felt at the time, when I first started to see these two great men who I’m so grateful to each day, who for a few years at least I thought of every-time I stood up after peeing because there were years before that where that was one of the most horrible parts of my day, all the while as I fronted high performance still to everyone around me?
I was SO grateful to be brought so low.
Maybe a better way to say it, I was so grateful to acknowledge that that was where I WAS, and to just … do the work assigned to me.
I was so grateful to stop trying to throw out an anchor to be the high performance athlete physically when the reality was that being her internally was not in that present moment something to demonstrate externally.
I let the reset occur.
FULLY.
I am nearly 47 now and I’m in PHENOMENAL shape.
I’m consistently lean. I have more muscle than I’ve ever had. I’m back at Muay Thai as well and holy WHAT couldn’t even believe how well I came back after a 3-4 year break, nor my strength. I have core for DAYYYS. My internal function and wellbeing is locked and LOADED. My HIPS can move again; I’ve got swagger I didn’t have maybe ever before … meaning, literally the ability to rotate when I walk haha. And I even, somewhere along that journey, stopped being scared of fruit, sugars, juice, and carbs in general and your girl now EATS!
At 30 years this year into my fitness IDENTITY I am the athlete I spent 25 years fighting to be, while slowly destroying parts of myself because I was scared I would never be.
Being STOPPED completely, while painful, and whilst exceedingly drawn out by me, was the best thing that could have happened for me,
I’m so so glad I had to finally give in and go so so low.
And I am so so glad I’m finally taking that deep breath to say I GET to do the same thing now here, in my business, my brand, my ministry and assignment, of being me.
Do you know what else?
Just as I always knew inside of me that of COURSE I was gonna walk that thing forward and come out guns blazing again as an athlete once I finally submitted to THAT now, I know the exact same thing in this area of my life.
What’s sobering though, and maybe this bit is for you, is I literally couldn’t see that or grasp onto it while I was still trying to throw out a line to prove I was already there NOW; ‘come see!’.
There’s a supernatural lesson in this, I believe, for all of us:
We cannot cling to a promise God is unfolding within us, when we are operating from a spirit of fear which says it’s now now now or maybe never.
These are two entirely different realities in the spirit realm.
They literally exist in different locations in the supernatural.
One is the location of always striving and never done.
And one is the location of Jesus already made this available for me and indeed put it IN me, and then?
Let me know what you think.
And oooohhhh boy oh boy.
This feels good.
Kat
PS.
I’m going to do a thing for free for you.
For you if it is FOR you.
And I’m going OG with this, because … we’re getting back to where it GETS to begin and, I believe, must.
“Wake up or die” was always one of my favourite sayings of my own. It was also one of my favourite mini courses of my own for years!
So, I’m bringing it back.
The NOW fire and flow!
The Wake Up or Die (free) 5 Day Challenge.
5 days.
Straight fire.
Of whatever God puts through me for it to be.
I don’t have a plan of where it goes to next.
I’m just going back to the beginning, and the beginning of how I started online in 2006, before I became ‘that girl’ who made hundreds (actual # was well over 1000!) of courses and produced 30 million + dollars doing so, was I just used to show up to create. Communicate. Be in a conversation. And connect.
Long before I heard of internet marketing or even had a social media presence, I would just make what was in me to make; either free or paid, and say what was in me to say.
Even when I had hear of internet marketing and was known as a queen of it – albeit a black sheep one – I STILL never saw things really flow unless I stayed true to just letting the message be the message and strategy being, well, more message.
I believe there is a huge uprising of leaders. Entrepreneurs. Creators. And way-makers. Who TRULY are just here to release what is in them to release, and know that THAT is what will pave the way, because THAT is the actual fire God has put in you and HE is the one paving it!
So that’s what this is about.
WAKE UP!
You KNOW how you are called to show up and be.
You KNOW your assignment does not fit the mold you see in your industry, or all around you.
You KNOW your ministry AND your message is to be fully you.
And you KNOW you can’t keep going on like this, creating and operating from what you think it should be but which ultimately is KILLING you, and not even softly anymore.
WAKE UP OR DIE gorgeous.
So we’re just gonna do the first 😉
https://katrinaruthministries.com/wakeupordie
Oh, and my trainer?
Yeah I’m one of his favourite success stories, and he is so proud of both of us for what we created and continue to in me!! As am I.
It gets to be this way in every part of what we already know is in us.
It gets to be AND THEN YOU JUST DID.
GLORY TO GOD.
Because He doesn’t give us vision for what He didn’t already provide for, if only we’d just be right here, right now.
