My biggest issue as a creator has always been the deep deep resistance coated sadness around not just doing what I am really here to do.
I say resistance coated, because often we just think WE are the problem
“I just can’t seem to make myself”
“I just procrastinate all the time”
“I don’t have it in me”
“What’s WRONG with me; why can’t I just do what needs doing”
If you look under that resistance … supposed inability … MIS-taken idea that something is wrong with you … what you may find is grief
Deep deep grief
Stemming from years of sadness at repeatedly not being who you were made to be
Possibly (probably) with a good dose of trauma from whatever has been said or taught to you around not being allowed to be who you are
All of which results in the now adult you, a grown-up entrepreneur / leader / human who should know better, and who (probably) everyone else thinks has it at least partly together, repeatedly just NOT FREAKING DOING WHAT SHE SHOULD DO THAT DAY
Can I tell you?
I have been and AM her, way too often to count
The amount of times I’ve sat staring at my coffee … screen … the day … just feeling FROZEN and like I’m not even capable of ‘doing’. With endless things I absolutely should or could be doing, many of which are genuinely not that difficult, and yet somehow I apparently just can’t!
I have spent years – probably literal months of actual time – in the past binge eating and making myself throw up. Chronically scrolling or doing other even more harmful chronic addict-type things. Over-exercising. Over napping. Or just making up other things I suddenly have to go and do. Ultimately resulting in yet another day down the drain, another day in which I did not press play on the life inside of me.
It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Just thinking about all the years which slipped through my fingers when I knew, I KNEW, I was meant to be writing / creating / pouring forth, or maybe just acting like a freaking grown up. Whatever that means.
So when I tell you I get it …
I get it.
My ‘secret’ as a high-functioning crazy creator person is that I have spent most of it convinced I am lazy and destined to never actually do the REAL thing I came here to do, just a counterfeit version, and I’ve spent way more time than what you would even believe behaving in a way which would evidence that.
And yet.
Somehow.
Somewhere.
Along the way.
I did figure one or two things out.
The main one of which was the fact that the resistance, procrastination, perpetual ‘inability to do’, was not real.
It was a lie.
Take right now.
I sat here on one of the couches at my warehouse. Blanket on my lap. Laptop on top of the blanket. Staring morosely at the screen trying to summon up any kind of energy or desire to do any of the quite simple and relatively important things which need doing today, in the hour I have available before my next appointment.
Nada.
So I did what anyone (like me!) would do, and text my next appointment to see if she is free earlier. Best way to avoid being you: make up a reason why you can’t!
She was not.
Sigh.
I sat here and felt SO SAD. Genuinely SO SAD. I felt the frustration, again, for the millionth time I’d say, of “what’s wrong with me!”
“These things HAVE to be done today!”
I felt the grief under the resistance.
The grief of once again finding out I am somebody who does not follow through.
And then?
I started writing this.
(It was meant to just be a short FB post)
And somewhere,
some way,
as has happened on way too many days for me to count,
I realised once again:
the work is the cure.
And,
I don’t have a procrastination issue, I have a natural and GOD-GIVEN wiring which makes me unable to do things which matter LESS until I did the thing I was actually meant to do.
This is definitely something I have also actively ‘trained in’ to my mindset. I have trained myself over the years to ignore everything til I did ‘the’ thing.
For me, ‘the’ thing has always been the message.
It is the writing.
Speaking.
Creating.
Pouring out a thing that didn’t even need to be said, that definitely wasn’t on the list of proper entrepreneur or adult things, and that nobody would have known you didn’t do.
Maybe I trained myself to not be able to ‘do’ til I first dropped in on BEING, and did my flow work.
Or maybe it was survival tactics.
Definitely,
both.
But either way I can tell you this:
Somewhere in all the years of not being able to do, and instead just pouring out what came out –
that pouring out became a 30 million $ plus coaching business
built off the back of me just repeatedly staring resistance in the eye, then realising that the ONLY thing which would unblock it was writing | speaking | creating | FLOWING
and also over 60 books published and over 300 courses created along the way
I even did one or two ‘get things done’ things along the way too
but only ever EFFECTIVELY when I first did this
and by this?
I mean the thing which made no sense
which nobody was waiting for me to do
and which took up all the time in place of the proper things
the thing I was terrified I’d find out I wasn’t good enough to do
had no idea how to start with
yet did anyway
so I guess all I’m saying is …
what if you just did it anyway
and?
You might not have an issue with procrastination after all. It could just be a simple lil issue of accidentally trying to live the wrong life.
Now don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.
Katrina Ruth
PS.
Supernatural Creator Academy launches this week 🥹🥹🥹
It’s a brand new and BIG thing signature course
My first big new launch in a while!
and?
It may just be for you
Keep your eyes peeled for when it goes live.
The launch sale + extras are a do not miss!
