Hardest thing I’ve had to do these past few years of finally being fully convicted by and surrendered to God, seeing my whole world implode / turn upside down / be redeemed like WOAH, and finally begin to SEE what life in God actually means / we still not done?
Hands down it’s been admitting what no longer is, in who I am, what I do, what I’m known for, and what I’m here for.
What’s crazy is I was already admitting it no longer is for a good 5 years before reporting for duty with the Lord and admitting I am DONE done.
I was desperately and continually, even in the so called highest heights of the empire I built, trying to figure out what I was missing, why it still wasn’t hitting, what I couldn’t see, who I was really meant to be.
I’d ‘blank slate’ everything, play a game of imagining I got rid of all of it and could do anything, anything at all, what would it be?!
And it would always go back to the SAME.FREAKING.THING. I was already doing to the tune of tens of millions of $ made and millions impacted!
Write. Speak. Coach. Mentor. Lead. And inspire, educate, empower and in all ways of unfettered alignment and flow kick the butt of the truly purpose driven 1% within the 1% to finally REMEMBER WHO THEY WERE AND THEN BECOME IT.
So … yay me! Is what I would think. I’ve BUILT my dream, I’m LIVING it, I’m KNOWN for it, and it’s as good as anyone out there aspiring to do a thing as a messenger | leader | rabble rouser can expect! I’m at the LITERAL top! Yet I am GLUM. Yup, GLUM, that’s what I was.
I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t devoid of faith, I was more … confused. And I was definitely glum. It made no sense!
So I’d tell myself to get over it, on with it, hype it, decide it, choose it, get back to my why on it, but nothing really had any fiery burning TRUTH on it anymore. You know?
Through all of that, I have to tell you, I KNEW.
I knew I was running from God.
I knew my destiny was in God.
I knew I was hear to be a voice and a vessel for God.
And I NEVER stopped questioning that He, Jesus, was the way the truth and the life it’s just that somewhere in my rolling out of the womb into Christianity life I never actually experienced, understood, or knew, grace.
Grace is SALVATION, but the very first definition of grace God gives in the Bible is as His POWER. Grace is the supernatural power of God for His kids to be able to do and live and be what they absolutely cannot do or live or be in the natural, in their own strength.
Which means it is also the tiny little ACTUALLY EVERYTHING key to how we possibly can walk forward in the destiny path God wrote for us.
So this whole lifetime, for me, since I was 8 years old in church listening to ‘I Have a Destiny’ and KNOWING it was for me, for me to impart to others, followed by a couple decades of pursuing it relentlessly in my own will and way, well –
by definition I could never get there because, whilst I may well have figured out how to tap into a supernatural thing, I was not surrendered to or in nearly ANY way living as the submitted and thus DIVINELY EMPOWERED child of the Lord, in fact if you knew me online but had never heard me say I was Christian, you knew me as a big time New Age coach.
Apparently everyone except me knew that I was a big time New Age coach, I would have TOLD you I was Christian.
Oh, how real deception IS! Satan isn’t called the deceiver because he sucks at it!!
So yes.
I knew.
Sure my mind and will hadn’t accepted or even got the memo really.
But I KNEW that everything I was doing was a counterfeit.
I just didn’t know that I knew, and I certainly didn’t know to ADMIT that I knew.
Because because because well … what could I do about it anyway?
I’d slidden slowly away from church life because I couldn’t keep up, be perfect, get it right, and I truly believed at the time that that was the mission.
It’s not that grace wasn’t taught in my church and home life, it’s just that various other things managed to over ride it and I didn’t catch it at ALL at all. I heard what I heard which was: be perfect, or go home.
So I went home.
Which is to say I went seeking a place to call home, to make for my own, and to prove I could finally be enough.
Out of that, I inspired and empowered and taught huge numbers of women all around the world to press play on what was inside of THEM and who they came here to be, a beautifully intentioned quest to bring people and myself into right purpose and alignment yet with one key ingredient on the back-burner, NAMELY –
The bit where your entire destiny can only rightly unfold if it is a supernatural thing and the SPIRIT OF GOD CAUSES IT.
So you can imagine my JOY and FINALLY and RELEASE when I finally answered His call and also KNEW it meant He would rightly realign me and that what I built got to go, and STAT.
I was all in from day one of returning. I was ‘take, break, shake, WAKE’, and I meant it! I’m a VIP express lane kind of gal and I didn’t want to slow down ANY of what He had for me!
And yet.
And yet.
And yet.
OH how freaking difficult it is to let go of what we thought it would be!
And oh how very much it simply IS a layered thing, as much as we want to surrender fully and be obedient to do so!
It has been a WRESTLE to work out the ‘who and what I am’ bit of my salvation, because my flesh was pretty set and determined, if you didn’t notice, on knowing who and what it was and living FROM that seeming security!
The defaulting back to the old me has been for real for real.
AND YET.
The word of God in Colossians 3 says we are DEAD in Christ and in and by His image we have His knowledge and are NEW. It also says we need to RECKON (count) ourselves dead, meaning …
just because your flesh still tries to take the wheel, and you have some apparent default wiring to once again think you are that person YOU built yourself into being … or pursued being …
it don’t mean you gotta agree.
In fact you can flat out disagree no matter how real the evidence seems to be! “No thank you mind, no thank you past, no thank you ME, I say be quiet in Jesus Name and hear the Lord!”
It’s a continual submission, surrender, reckoning ourselves at the foot of the cross and saying Lord awaken your new and NOW thing in me.
But it also takes willing decision.
To say yes to it potentially being … likely being … not at all the components you thought were surely ‘coming with’.
This, simply, takes time. We work out our salvation with fear and trembling ONGOINGLY.
Sanctification is lifelong.
And if you spent a decent portion of your life before Christ chasing an idea of you, whilst your spiritual status is NEW the moment you invite Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour and acknowledge He IS, the enacting of that in the physical; it takes a minute or three.
We literally need to learn His ways.
We need to learn trust.
We need to allow soul healing.
We need to learn how to wield our weapons in Him.
We need to learn how to set our souls free from captivity in Him, purify our flesh, and ACCEPT the renewing.
And bit by bit in that we learn to also LET GO.
To wrestle and wrestle to try and make what we thought it was or would surely be to somehow fit what He is clearly calling us to be, and then bit by bit by ‘I’m still not sure’, by ‘maybe God DOES want me to still’ bit …
we finally admit.
That it is simply no longer … that.
Not some of it, at first.
And eventually, really –
not any of it.
There is a sadness and grief as well as a sweetness there, and you don’t need to pretend otherwise.
For me it’s taken a solid 2 years to TRULY admit it’s just no longer what it was NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.
And I’m sure there are so many more layers to go.
I don’t have all the answers for you.
I don’t know what you’re walking through.
I don’t know what is burning in you.
But I do know this –
The song was right.
I have a destiny,
I know I shall fulfil.
I have a destiny,
in that city on a hill.
I have a destiny,
it’s not an empty one,
for I know
I was born
for such a time – !
As this.
Gorgeous –
you were born for such a time as this.
Your destiny is RIGHT there in front of you.
But the city on the hill?
Lovely it’s Jesus.
It’s Him.
That’s where it is.
Like I said –
I don’t know. What you gotta put down right now. Be done with again right now. Surrender again right now. And say yes to again right now.
But He does.
Now don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.
Kat
PS
Gorgeous,
Open the Floodgates is closing.
There is just today and tomorrow left to join me.
This is 10 weeks of all in private w/me activation into ALL God has for you now and it is a FULL laying down of YOU.
ARE YOU BURNING FOR MORE?
Do you KNOW it’s available?
And are you finally done with thinking it’s on YOU to make it happen?
The reality is the floodgates of heaven are already open, spiritually! But for you to see in and through you what God has written YOU need to enact it.
It’s not that complicated.
JUST GIVE YOUR LIFE FOR A DIFFERENT KINGDOM,
and a different way.
